Thursday, February 10, 2011

Let me get this straight? You want a writer/designer/interviewer/video editor ETC for HOW MUCH?

The world has gone mad -- at least on Craig's List. See this despicable ad, below (my highlights in red plus my comments in purple.. the color of the very Royal "Kiss My Patootie." Lord help anybody unlucky enough to already be working here. Super BOOs to the overseers who want more slaves.

In-house Writer/Designer for B2B Magazines (That's right, guys, more than one magazine).

(No Freelancers) (waving garlic and brandishing a cross)

$35K (but not really THAT much; see salary-waffle language below)

(Metro Center) -- All those $$$$ and downtown traffic, too. 


So here's what they really want:

Applicants must be local and available to start immediately. Must be comfortable with tedious assignments. (I am not making this up...)

Ideal candidate has expert AP Style and phone voice (and the background for these two skills would be... what? "Project Runway" experience?), in addition to some knowledge of InDesign, webcasting/video editing (just a little Final Cut Pro between snacks, huh?), website CMS and blog interfaces (say WHAT?)
Be prepared to conduct phone interviews with C-level executives of $1M-$50B companies and write corporate profiles and project spotlights. Must complete at least 3-4 stories week (at approx 1000 words each). (You can squeeze your blog interface and video editing in at lunch time, but you better not give "bad phone" to those C-level execs, EVER!).

Other tasks (oh, for the love of Pete... there's MORE??????) include: peer editing, copy writing/slugging, design/layout editing, occasional advertisement design, scripting for webcasts, attending trade shows/conferences.

Knowledge of the following industries is helpful:
(design-build, engineering, interior design, etc.)
(residential, commercial, mechanical contracting, post tensioning, etc.)
(solar, nuclear, wind, geothermal, natural gas/oil, fuel cells, etc.)

Location: Metro Center.
Hours: 9-5 (strict)
PAY: $35K w/bonus ($24K base plus qtrly bonus) NON NEGOTIABLE (Okay, this now borders on something for OSHA to investigate. All THIS for the very most definitely, profoundly, NON-living wage of $24K -- and don't you DARE work anywhere else or freelance; just give up food. But, don't fret, if WE think you deserve it, we'll give you a bonus.. how's that workin' for ya, Schmuck!) 

TO APPLY: email resume, cover letter, 3 writing samples and any other video/graphic samples, if applicable. Don't hold your breath.

No comments: